{"id":20,"date":"2014-12-31T22:02:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-01T04:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/?p=20"},"modified":"2019-08-27T18:33:17","modified_gmt":"2019-08-27T23:33:17","slug":"its-time-new-years-eve-musings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oldseekingthestill.com\/website_e02ce2c0\/its-time-new-years-eve-musings\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s Time – New Year’s Eve Musings"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s the final day of a year that I’ve been waiting to release to faded dreams of memory.\u00a0 For all the heartache of 2014, one would think I should be giddy to begin anew.\u00a0 But, that’s the thing about “shoulds,”\u00a0 they never do any favors.<\/p>\n

Instead, I find myself quietly reflective on this December 31, 2014.\u00a0 After all, why would I want to forget when I have learned so much?\u00a0 How can it be that just a short year has passed when at times it felt so very long?\u00a0 If I had known it was to be my year of Aeschylus, would I have trod the same road?<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot
\nforget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair,
\nagainst our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.
\n<\/i>– Aeschylus<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

At first glance this quote seems so very depressing doesn’t it?\u00a0 But how apt a description of my 2014!\u00a0 Did you notice it there in the center?\u00a0 In our own despair, against our will<\/u>, comes wisdom.<\/i>\u00a0 I fought against that wisdom for far too long in my selfish attempt to escape the chains with which I bound myself.\u00a0 But the harder I fought, the stronger the chains became.\u00a0 In the end, the only way out is\u00a0 through.\u00a0 My suffering has made me stronger, but still it stands like a hovering cloud blocking the light from above.\u00a0 So…I have been begging God to show me a purpose for it all, to provide a new lens through which to see the intense pain of the past year.\u00a0 And by His grace, it is slowly happening…<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

For don’t you know…there was so much beauty in the midst of the pain.\u00a0 There was so much loving and learning and growing.\u00a0 So. Much. Grace.\u00a0 Miracles.\u00a0 Relationships.\u00a0 Trust.\u00a0 So much hope that’s not meant to be tucked away inside.\u00a0 Truthfully, I am scared to take the first step that’s asked of me.\u00a0 To. Write. It. Down.\u00a0 I sense that it will\u00a0 take time, lots of time, and\u00a0 I don’t know if I will ever be ready to publicly share all the details.\u00a0 I do know that this story of mine cannot be kept inside where it continues to whirl inside my head.\u00a0 Only by reaching back into the darkness and pulling it into the light will I finally be free to let it go.<\/p>\n

So, I hereby dub 2015 the year of writing.\u00a0 I shall write and write and write.\u00a0 Taking my time to write privately as well as publicly at Seeking The Still.\u00a0 I will share with my confidantes and continue the sifting.\u00a0 Most importantly, I will pray to God that He would show me how much to share and when.\u00a0 As the veil continues to lift, and my eyes are opened to see more clearly, I know deep within my soul that there will be healing here.\u00a0 For my journey has been marked by the bravery of others bold enough to share their dark night stories.\u00a0 I saw myself there and know others will see their story in mine.\u00a0 We are all souls simply plodding our way back home…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s the final day of a year that I’ve been waiting to release to faded dreams of memory.\u00a0 For all the heartache of 2014, one would think I should be giddy to begin anew.\u00a0 But, that’s the thing about “shoulds,”\u00a0 they never do any favors. Instead, I find myself quietly reflective on this December 31, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":53639,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nIt's Time - New Year's Eve Musings - Seeking The Still with Dr. Laura Fleetwood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jfz.xeo.mybluehost.me\/website_e02ce2c0\/its-time-new-years-eve-musings\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It's Time - New Year's Eve Musings - Seeking The Still with Dr. Laura Fleetwood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It’s the final day of a year that I’ve been waiting to release to faded dreams of memory.\u00a0 For all the heartache of 2014, one would think I should be giddy to begin anew.\u00a0 But, that’s the thing about “shoulds,”\u00a0 they never do any favors. 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