{"id":623,"date":"2015-08-26T14:12:14","date_gmt":"2015-08-26T19:12:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/?p=623"},"modified":"2020-06-26T11:28:13","modified_gmt":"2020-06-26T16:28:13","slug":"a-perfect-storm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oldseekingthestill.com\/website_e02ce2c0\/a-perfect-storm\/","title":{"rendered":"A Perfect Storm"},"content":{"rendered":"

I woke up this morning. \u00a0What an obvious statement.\u00a0 “Of course, you woke up this morning,” one might say.\u00a0 But for a long time, I didn’t wake up in the morning because I never went to sleep.<\/p>\n

It was March 2014 and my life was hectic.\u00a0 I was working 30 hours a week as the Director of Communications at my church\/school and was also the chair of the largest fundraiser of the year<\/a>, the annual dinner auction.\u00a0 My husband was traveling out of the country for 3 weeks at a time, and we were raising our two girls (7 & 9).\u00a0 I was stressed, but I honestly like being busy and challenged.\u00a0 I had been in this place before and always managed to plow my way through.<\/p>\n

Then strange things started happening.\u00a0 Every morning I woke up feeling sick.\u00a0 Sometimes I actually got sick, most of the time I had to run to the bathroom.\u00a0 I couldn’t eat, and I was shaking all the time.\u00a0 I tried to dismiss it.\u00a0 Maybe I just had a bug.\u00a0 But it didn’t go away.\u00a0 I had too much on my plate, too many people counting on me to let it slow me down, so I just kept going.\u00a0 Usually by 10am or so, my body seemed to calm down and I would be able to eat lunch and move on with life.\u00a0 But then the sleep issues started.\u00a0 I was so wound up by evening and my mind was racing so fast with everything I needed to do that I could not fall asleep at night.\u00a0 This had happened a few time before, so I had a bottle of Ambien on standby.\u00a0 I detest taking medicine, so I broke\u00a0the pills in fourths just to get a few hours of shut eye.\u00a0 And then the pills stopped working, too.<\/p>\n

At this point, I knew something was wrong.\u00a0 I remember telling my auction team volunteers that I didn’t know if I was going to make it through.\u00a0 I thought I might have to go to the hospital or something…I just didn’t know.\u00a0 I went to my primary care physician.\u00a0 He said, “It’s anxiety,” and gave me a script for an ancient anti-depressant and a small dose of Xanax for emergencies.\u00a0 I didn’t take either of them.\u00a0 Relying on\u00a0medicine seemed to go against my deeply rooted beliefs that I was in control of\u00a0my life.\u00a0 Plus, I made the mistake of Googling the meds and now I couldn’t get all the horrifying stories out of my head.<\/p>\n

So, I asked my mother-in-law to stay with me for the 3 weeks Justin was gone right before the auction, and I started seeking a Christian counselor.\u00a0 I felt better for a little while, worked myself to the bone all hours of the day and night, lost 10 pounds and hoped it would get better if I just made it through the night of the auction.\u00a0 I was like a violin whose owner was tightening and tightening the string.\u00a0 And then the inevitable happened…I snapped.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I woke up this morning. \u00a0What an obvious statement.\u00a0 “Of course, you woke up this morning,” one might say.\u00a0 But for a long time, I didn’t wake up in the morning because I never went to sleep. 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