{"id":764,"date":"2015-10-05T10:47:03","date_gmt":"2015-10-05T15:47:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/?p=764"},"modified":"2020-08-17T15:38:02","modified_gmt":"2020-08-17T20:38:02","slug":"day-5-what-happens-when-you-go-to-a-mental-hospital-and-ask-for-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oldseekingthestill.com\/website_e02ce2c0\/day-5-what-happens-when-you-go-to-a-mental-hospital-and-ask-for-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 5: What Happens When You Go To A Mental Hospital And Ask For Help"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/a> \"What<\/a>I drive\u00a0past the hospital almost every day. \u00a0It sits directly across the busy road from our church & school. \u00a0In fact, I see it when I look through the glass of\u00a0my office window. \u00a0 I never thought much about the people, though. \u00a0The people who work there – the psychiatrists, therapists, doctors. The people who go there – their lives overtaken by issues that have become unmanageable. \u00a0For 12 years I drove by and never thought of them. \u00a0Until I became one of them.<\/p>\n

It had been 3 months since the auction and my anxiety was worse, not better. \u00a0A general practitioner prescribed meds, but I thought they made things worse. \u00a0I started seeing a therapist and working through some issues. \u00a0On top of the anxiety, I now was depressed. \u00a0I was\u00a0disappearing and losing hope. \u00a0I want to use this post to give you insight, to help you understand. \u00a0Author Glennon Doyle Melton recently wrote a brilliant description of anxiety and depression<\/a>. \u00a0Every word of it is true. \u00a0She writes…<\/p>\n

When I slide back into anxiety and depression\u2014well, it\u2019s hard to explain, but I\u2019ll try. You know how\u2014when something scary or really hard is about to happen\u2014you feel fluttery and wired and nervous until it\u2019s over? Anxiety is a little bit like that, except \u201cthe thing\u201d is never over. The thing is life. And the constant fear\/jitters\/whateveritis makes it impossible for me to enter the moment. This is the best way for me to describe it\u2014I am never ever landed. Never relaxed. Never present. On stage in front of thousands or in my kitchen talking to Amma about her day\u2014I am not THERE. You can look at me and see me but I am not THERE. I am not feeling the feelings that one might be expected to feel in a given circumstance because all my energy\/thought\/emotion is going to calm my nerves and soothe myself. Anxiety is like a shaky hovering. \u00a0Good times.<\/p>\n

And depression is like putting a heavy, itchy blanket on top of anxiety. It\u2019s like pouring spilt pea soup all over fear. It\u2019s like a sucking out of the soul. It\u2019s a disappearing act, really. It takes all the colors that a person is and bashes them all together until no color is left at all and all the person is or feels or reflects is gray, gray, gray. There is no LIFE anymore, just existing.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That was me. \u00a0I was existing, but barely. \u00a0Justin was soon leaving for another 3 week trip, and I knew something had to change. \u00a0After 3 consecutive nights of no sleep – torture\u00a0on top of torture, I just lost it. \u00a0That Sunday I curled\u00a0in my bed, crying and screaming in frustration. \u00a0I was so bitter that this was happening to me. \u00a0I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting better. \u00a0I had no hope. \u00a0I could see no future. \u00a0There seemed to be no way out. \u00a0I didn’t make plans to hurt myself, but I finally understood why people did. \u00a0The thought of living like this\u00a0day after day\u00a0was unbearable. \u00a0I had prayed and begged for healing. \u00a0I knew God was there – He was the only thing holding me here. \u00a0I tried to see a psychiatrist, but after calling several with new patient appointments no sooner than 4 months out, I knew\u00a0the time had come.<\/p>\n

I got out of bed on Monday morning. \u00a0I kissed my girls goodbye and told them I didn’t know if I’d be home that evening. \u00a0I was going to a\u00a0hospital to get help. \u00a0It was a beautiful summer day. \u00a0Blue sky. \u00a0White clouds. \u00a0It was surreal. \u00a0How did I go from having the “perfect life” to walking into a mental hospital in a matter of months. \u00a0I couldn’t even wrap my head around it.<\/p>\n

Justin and I\u00a0walked into the lobby, which looked more like an upscale hotel than a hospital and signed in for an evaluation. \u00a0As we waited, I looked around the room. \u00a0The people were normal. \u00a0We could have been sitting in any doctor’s waiting room, not the stereotypical “One Few Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” at all. \u00a0I was numb. \u00a0What was I doing here? \u00a0I didn’t belong here, did I? \u00a0Would they keep me? \u00a0Would they drug me? \u00a0The waiting was the worst.<\/p>\n

Finally, they called my name and Justin and I walked back into a small room where we filled out more paperwork and more questionnaires. \u00a0The woman interviewing me was named Sarah, and she was lovely. \u00a0She asked me\u00a0to share\u00a0my story, and gave encouraging nods as I went along. \u00a0In the end, they said I was not a risk to myself or others, but recommended an outpatient program where I would be able to see a doctor weekly and do group therapy 3 hours a day for 3 days a week. \u00a0I started the very next day.<\/p>\n

Driving home that day, I felt a tiny bit lighter. \u00a0I still didn’t know why this was happening, but I was finally doing something about it. \u00a0I was just doing the next right thing and sometimes that is the best\u00a0you can do.<\/p>\n

A year later, God would redeem\u00a0this\u00a0experience of walking into a psychiatric hospital in two miraculous ways. \u00a0I will share those stories at some point in this 31 day series. \u00a0In the meantime, I have some words for anyone standing at the crossroads of asking for help.<\/p>\n

Asking for help does not mean you are weak. \u00a0It means you are strong. \u00a0So very strong.
\nYou don’t have to go it alone. \u00a0Ask someone to go with you. \u00a0If they say no, keep asking until someone says yes.
\nThe people who work in\u00a0mental health are God’s angels on earth. \u00a0They want to help. \u00a0Let them help.
\nThere are no magic cures. \u00a0Healing takes time, but it starts the moment you reach out.
\nOne in\u00a0four people will need help for anxiety and\/or depression. \u00a0You are not alone.
\nIt’s often the people who seem least likely that\u00a0need help.
\nThere is hope. \u00a0There is ALWAYS hope.
\nWhether you know Him or not, Jesus is with you each step of the way. \u00a0He will never leave you.
\nEvaluations are completely free. \u00a0You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
\nA good place to start is the National Alliance on Mental Illness.<\/a>
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

This week just happens to be National Mental Health Awareness week<\/a>. \u00a0Coincidence? \u00a0I think not. \u00a0Ask for help. \u00a0Walk with someone who needs help. \u00a0Together, we can break the stigma. \u00a0It. \u00a0Is. \u00a0Possible.<\/p>\n

L.<\/p>\n

#IAmStigmaFree<\/h1>\n

\"31days\"<\/a>This series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life. \u00a0It is\u00a0messy and truthful. \u00a0For 31 days, I will share pieces\u00a0of my journey, practical coping techniques for dealing with anxiety, spiritual insights,\u00a0emotional struggles, and a whole lot of other. \u00a0I will likely\u00a0\u00a0jump from here to there as the Spirit leads. \u00a0I invite you along\u00a0as\u00a0I share\u00a0my experience, my strength, and my hope.\u00a0Thank you for being part of this journey with me. \u00a0Together, we shall seek the still.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I drive\u00a0past the hospital almost every day. \u00a0It sits directly across the busy road from our church & school. \u00a0In fact, I see it when I look through the glass of\u00a0my office window. \u00a0 I never thought much about the people, though. \u00a0The people who work there – the psychiatrists, therapists, doctors. 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