{"id":885,"date":"2015-10-19T17:14:44","date_gmt":"2015-10-19T22:14:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/?p=885"},"modified":"2020-08-17T15:04:05","modified_gmt":"2020-08-17T20:04:05","slug":"day-19-i-dont-feel-like-writing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oldseekingthestill.com\/website_e02ce2c0\/day-19-i-dont-feel-like-writing\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 19: I Don&#8217;t Feel Like Writing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Gray. That&#8217;s my color today. \u00a0I&#8217;m unmotivated, foggy-headed, and tired. It&#8217;s day 19, and I don&#8217;t\u00a0want to write. I thought about copying and pasting an inspirational quote just to check this day\u00a0off my list, but I did that yesterday. So, I&#8217;m just going to write. For 5 minutes, I will write. I have no topic in my head and no desire in my bones. But I. Will. Write.<\/p>\n<p>The clock is ticking and my fingers are speeding. What to write when the words won&#8217;t come? I wonder if I could ever be a real writer. You know, get paid for books and articles and such. I&#8217;m afraid the words would stop. Deadlines, pressure, editors. Would I fit into that world? Do I want to fit into that world? My cozy little blog is a nice place to be. There&#8217;s nobody telling me what to do. I write what I want to write when I want to write. Except for today. Today I write when I have no words.<\/p>\n<p>My dog is barking and the breeze barely enters through the windows opened. I sit at my desk and can see myself in the mirror reflected across the way. Am I writer? What if I have nothing left after this story I tell? After the 31 days of writing down the bones will I want to move on? I don&#8217;t want to stay here, that&#8217;s something certain. All the &#8220;how-to&#8221; books say that one of the first steps of writing is to find your voice and find your focus. Do I want the focus of my writing to be on painful memories of the past? I want to let them go and hold my hand out to the future, but I&#8217;m afraid. I don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s out there. The what-ifs begin to plague me, and I feel myself slipping.\u00a0The timer buzzes. \u00a0I am saved.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #2d2d2d;\"><span style=\"line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/?page_id=700\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-694 alignleft\" title=\"\" src=\"http:\/\/www.seekingthestill.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/31days-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"31days\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a><em>This series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life. \u00a0It is\u00a0messy and truthful. \u00a0For 31 days, I will share pieces\u00a0of my journey, practical coping techniques for dealing with anxiety, spiritual insights,\u00a0emotional struggles, and a whole lot of other. \u00a0I will likely\u00a0\u00a0jump from here to there as the Spirit leads. \u00a0I invite you along\u00a0as\u00a0I share\u00a0my experience, my strength, and my hope. Thank\u00a0you for being part of this journey with me. \u00a0Together, we shall seek the still.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gray. That&#8217;s my color today. \u00a0I&#8217;m unmotivated, foggy-headed, and tired. It&#8217;s day 19, and I don&#8217;t\u00a0want to write. I thought about copying and pasting an inspirational quote just to check this day\u00a0off my list, but I did that yesterday. So, I&#8217;m just going to write. For 5 minutes, I will write. I have no topic [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":53590,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,129],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-purpose"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Day 19: I Don&#039;t Feel Like Writing - Seeking The Still with Dr. Laura Fleetwood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jfz.xeo.mybluehost.me\/website_e02ce2c0\/day-19-i-dont-feel-like-writing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Day 19: I Don&#039;t Feel Like Writing - Seeking The Still with Dr. Laura Fleetwood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Gray. 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