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Today I am sharing an essay written by a very brave teenage girl. She has been dealt difficult situations in her young life that would bring down the strongest of adults, yet she is brave enough to share her story with us here (with her permission and the permission of her parents). Thank you, Maisen. You are wise beyond your years.<\/em><\/p>\n By Maisen Aromando<\/p>\n Every day I wore a mask. It was a mask only I knew about. People around me took the mask for my true inclination, but it was a lie. The mask helped cover my lie. And the mask looked like a smile. The smile allowed people not to ask questions. For me to continue on with my life normally, and no one to say anything about it. It made me look like I enjoyed life and felt good about myself. It made me feel confident and actually worth something because, that\u2019s what everyone told me when I wore the smile. But sometimes even a smile fades. Slowly it dwindled down to a frown and the mask was gone. My true identity was shown and soon everyone seemed to notice. Constant questions about what the problem was because I looked upset all the time. The problem is that I didn\u2019t even know the answer to. Something was off in my life because I never had to wear a mask before. The smile came naturally without hesitation, but now it was gone. Deep down I knew I needed help, but the more people asked me what the matter was the more I wanted to turn them away. I didn\u2019t understand why they of all people were so concerned with my life when they had their own to worry about. They said they just loved me and that I wasn\u2019t acting myself, but to me I was fine. I didn\u2019t know what was happening and it was making me more irritated that I couldn\u2019t figure it out. I realized what was going when I finally reached my limit. My head couldn\u2019t take it anymore and my emotions started to over flow, but I continued to try and stuff it in my mental box. But in school you learn that boxes and other daily objects can only fit so much stuff in it. That\u2019s how my mind, and everyone else\u2019s, works. You can only keep so much to yourself before actually break the box open and everything comes spilling out like the great flood. And it\u2019s sad to say that I reached that point. One night I felt worthless and didn\u2019t feel like it would even matter if I left. No one would care and that maybe it would just be better. Even though I could never do anything to take my own life, I still felt like no one would care. I realized maybe I was acting different. I came to the realization that I had absolutely no desire to do anything. I didn\u2019t care if wrestling was on, I could\u2019ve been in bed. I didn\u2019t care if I would get to watch a five hour documentary of Seth Rollins making me laugh, I could\u2019ve been alone thinking. I didn\u2019t care if fall out Boy was on TV that night, I could\u2019ve been dreaming about things that would never happen because I felt I wasn\u2019t good enough to make it happen. I felt like I had all of these expectations for myself that wouldn\u2019t ever come true. My mind kept playing games with me, taunting me and making me doubt myself. \u201cMaisen you want to be a wrestler? Huh you\u2019re never going to do it. You aren\u2019t athletic, you aren\u2019t thin enough, and you have no motivation and desire. Good luck with that.\u201d It was almost as if my mind was bullying me, as crazy as that sounds. And it was effecting me physically and mentally. I was worn down either way. This in the end was the cause for having no desire to do anything. Concerning my mental stability I was at an all-time low. If I had a meter to measure my confidence it was way beyond negative. Nothing was left in the \u201cconfidence thermometer\u201d and my box of emotions was piling over and I couldn\u2019t contain my emotions any more. I finally came out and told the one person that means everything to me about how I felt. And I made a promise to myself to not hurt myself because she meant way too much to me for to do something that she would feel it was her fault even though it wasn\u2019t. She completely understood which, deep down made me angrier. Because it was weird for someone to feel this way because the way I see it, the world says you should be happy. You don\u2019t see Disney princesses and other children\u2019s characters going through this kind of stuff because you should always<\/em> be happy. Chronic sadness wasn\u2019t normal and if it was something you suffered from then you didn\u2019t have a happy ending. So, when someone said that they understand why I felt this way it made no sense. But after a while I had to expect that I wasn\u2019t the only one going through this. She also said that I should get help go talk to a therapist or physiatrist person whatever they are called. And again I was against that. I explained it was just going to be a big waste of money because they didn\u2019t care. They nod their head and pretend they care. They know by you rambling on about whatever problem you have is more money for them to go spend it on the luxuries of life. And when you stepped out of the chair and walked out of the room, the next sob story would take their place, more money for them. The person (my mom) tried to explain it wasn\u2019t like that and of course I being stubborn didn\u2019t believe her. She tried so hard to get through my head that I need to talk about the way I feel. But the problem is that at that moment I felt like no one cared. I would hint at one of my best friends about my problems and she was always happy so I thought she could help me. When in reality, she was just like the therapist. She nodded her head and said I needed to smile. Yeah like it\u2019s that easy. She hasn\u2019t ever gone through this so she didn\u2019t exactly understand that you can\u2019t just put on a mask forever. And that\u2019s kind of why I stopped talking because if she didn\u2019t get me, I didn\u2019t know who would. I tried to express my feelings but it was so hard because it was something I have never done. I always kept it inside my mind because I felt that it was no one\u2019s business but my own. My mom explained I wasn\u2019t alone and I needed to talk about it. And I\u2019m still not good at talking so I write things like this so people can understand me. My friends often ask why I am depressed and have such bad anxiety, that I have a great life and shouldn\u2019t be upset about anything. And I couldn\u2019t disagree because honestly I was grateful for everything that I had and every single day I thanked God for it because I was very privileged compared to some people in the world, and I understood that. I just feel like there is a difference between sadness and chronic sadness. A scrapped knee or not getting what you want most likely falls under that category of sadness. Chronic sadness is more like depression, when you are sad but you have absolutely no clue why, which is how I felt. Anxiety on the other hand well I know the answer to that. I felt my grades were bad because know I could do better because all I did was reflect on the past. I didn\u2019t realize my classes were harder this year and that I wasn\u2019t going to get straight A\u2019s all the time. So a huge part of the nightly panic attacks was school worried that I wasn\u2019t ever going to be good enough for anyone and that I would let everyone down if I made a mistake. Forgetting to realize that no one is perfect. And school was something I never minded it was kind of just there in my life. But things like basketball that my WHOLE life revolved around became something I didn\u2019t care about and it put too much stress on me, to the point where I wanted to quit because I thought I sucked so bad that I didn\u2019t deserve to lace up my shoes each week and put that number on my back and play with girls who loved the game. Luckily I have AMAZING coaches and AMAZING parents who boosted my confidence to get my head back in the game, and gave me the desire to do things by being brutally honest with me. My coach doesn\u2019t tell me I\u2019m a good player because he knows that will make me feel better about myself. He gives me things to work on and says he has faith in me to fix them, which of course puts more pressure on me. But I usually step back and smile that someone trusts me so much. In the end it\u2019s all about having fun and I forget that sometimes. I forget that sometimes that\u2019s what life is all about enjoying it and helping others. I take it to serious which causes all of this. I set my expectations too high, which isn\u2019t bad, but it\u2019s harder when I fail. I have a bigger crash than most people which is kind of rough, but it\u2019s a part of life. I realized that yes, I have to go to college, but technically my profession doesn\u2019t require that. (I have to have a backup plan though) so if all fails college isn\u2019t at the top of my priorities. As for basketball I need to have confidence because it will affect my playing and I won\u2019t get anywhere with the bad attitude. I need to be a leader, have fun, and encourage others. I think the reason I take it so seriously is because I don\u2019t have to worry about anything when I\u2019m playing and people sometimes don\u2019t understand that and just think I don\u2019t want to be there or I\u2019m mad at them because I don\u2019t talk to them. I just feel that I don\u2019t have to talk to people because it isn\u2019t the place to talk, only because I take it so seriously. I\u2019m working on having fun with it though J All in all I need to love life because I have people who do care. I have a mom, dad, nana, and siblings that understand where I am coming from. I have coaches who care about me outside of practice and games and want only the best for me and I\u2019m so grateful for that. I have pastors who are willing to talk to me and make me laugh anytime I need it. I have a strong faith in God and believe that he will provide for me even though there is always going to be evil in the world and that\u2019s apart of sin. I also have a best friend who gets me. He knows what it\u2019s like to feel this way and keeps his phone at all hours of the night in case I have to call him for some reason or I feel bad about myself, but in reality all the people I mentioned would do that. I also have friends who have never been through this, but want to help anyway which I love it\u2019s just hard to explain. Almost like if you don\u2019t watch wrestling, it\u2019s like me trying to explain the concept of the shield to you. This is the greatest team in history! Sorry a little off track, but my point is you won\u2019t get it and you aren\u2019t supposed to. And for anyone reading that had to go through it alone or without someone, I\u2019m sorry. But at the end of the day it makes you even stronger. That you can look back and say you stomped out depression. And if you refuse to get help you\u2019ll get to the point where you won\u2019t be with us anymore. And as much as you think that someone wouldn\u2019t care if you were gone, they would. Everyone has at least one person that cares about them; you might just not know it because not everyone is brutally honest and wears their emotions on their sleeve. Communication is the key to unlock depression. And if you read this and still don\u2019t get what I am talking about it can be summed up in one of my favorite quotes, because it makes it easier to explain to someone who is constantly happy. \u201cThe hardest part about depression is that it is addictive. It feels uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for being happy.\u201d It makes me feel like I really am not alone in the world. And looking at that quote before I got help I thought that it was some suicidal \u201cdepressed their whole life kind of person\u201d. Looking into it was said by one of my favorite celebrities Pete Wentz. Pete has everything and he still struggles just like any other human being. So now I realize I\u2019m not alone. \u00a0That some of the people I look up to as my heroes have exact same problems that I have, and they have everything. So coming to the realization I\u2019m not alone puts me at ease, and now I know how to be myself again. I\u2019ve learn to love life and the past well it\u2019s the past I shouldn\u2019t reflect on that each and every day. It causes more stress. I won\u2019t see all of the people who bullied me in a few years, so I just need to let it go. And as weird as these sounds I have trouble expressing myself. This was written with multiple tears shed because it\u2019s was hard for me to go back to that place of darkness because I have come so far since then. One of my favorite song lyrics is \u201cHeroes always get remembered, but legends never die.\u201d And if I want to be a legend then I need to love life. Because legends affect other people and their lives, so how do become a legend if all I do is curse life. I learned to be positive and love what I have and that nothing is worth stressing about. Bad things will happen, but I wouldn\u2019t consider this a bad thing because it was just a hurdle I had to jump over. I was always good at jumping over thingsJ. But if worse comes to worse I should be glad of who I am, that I am unique. And as for my mask it is something I would gladly hang on my wall if it wasn\u2019t some metaphorical term used in this paper.\u00a0 It\u2019s something I can\u2019t forget and that\u2019s ok. Because since I found the key which is loving life and not stressing out, I unlocked the chain of depression. And no I\u2019m not completely unlocked, but the chains are slowly dwindling down to a minimum and eventually I will be free. A used to be prisoner of depression, now free, and never going back to their old ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Today I am sharing an essay written by a very brave teenage girl. She has been dealt difficult situations in her young life that would bring down the strongest of adults, yet she is brave enough to share her story with us here (with her permission and the permission of her parents). Thank you, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":991,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-support"],"yoast_head":"\n